All human beings feel joy and satisfaction from the closeness and affection others show them. One of the most beautiful behaviors that bring people closer to us and is highly recommended by the teachings of religious leaders is humility towards others. The opposite of this moral quality is arrogance and self-conceit, which leads to the dispersion of individuals from around oneself. But how can one achieve such great moral traits while living and interacting with people, and how can one escape the vortex of self-conceit?
The following story contains the teachings of Imam Zayn al-Abidin (peace be upon him) regarding humility, avoiding arrogance, and the practical methods he recommended for dealing with and interacting with people.
Imam Baqir (peace be upon him) narrates:
“Abu Shihab al-Zuhri came to my father, Ali ibn Husayn (peace be upon him), feeling sad and sorrowful. My father asked him: ‘Why are you so upset?’
Al-Zuhri replied: ‘O son of the Messenger of Allah, the envious ones are constantly causing me grief over my blessings, and the covetous ones have made my situation difficult. Moreover, those I had hoped in, and whom I had done good deeds for, are acting contrary to my expectations.’
Imam Zayn al-Abidin (peace be upon him) said: ‘Guard your tongue so that you may retain your friends.’
Al-Zuhri replied: ‘O son of the Messenger of Allah, but I speak to them with the utmost politeness and kindness!’
Imam (peace be upon him) responded: ‘Woe unto you! Do not let your kindness and good speech lead you into arrogance and self-conceit. Be cautious not to utter a word that, despite it seeming reasonable to you, will cause others to quickly deny you. You cannot always explain your words to everyone who may find them unconvincing.
Al-Zuhri! Why do you not see the Muslims as your family: the elders as your father, the younger ones as your children, and those of your age as your brothers? In this way, how could you oppress, curse, or slander any of them?
If you are afflicted with the whisperings of Satan that make you feel superior to others, consider whether the person you deem inferior is actually greater than you: if they are older than you, say, ‘They embraced faith before me, and their good deeds outweigh mine.’ If they are younger than you, say, ‘I have committed more sins than they, and they are better than me.’ If they are the same age as you, say, ‘I am certain of my sins but uncertain of theirs, so why should I substitute my certainty for doubt?’
If you see that Muslims are honoring you and showing respect, say, ‘This is a kindness from them towards me.’ And if they mistreat you or disregard you, say, ‘Perhaps it is due to a sin or mistake I have made.’
If you act this way, Allah will ease your life for you, and you will have many friends, rejoicing in their good deeds and never lamenting their injustices.
Know that the most generous person to others is the one whose good reaches them abundantly while remaining self-sufficient and not seeking anything in return. The next most generous is the one who, though in need, refrains from asking others for help, for the people of this world hold their wealth dear. So, whoever does not interfere with what they seek is showing generosity to them, and whoever adds to their wealth, without disturbing them, is held in higher esteem and regarded as even more generous.’”[1]
(Adapted from the book “Ihtijaj” by Sheikh Tabrasi, with slight abridgement)[2]
Footnotes:
[1] Ihtijaj Tabrasi, Vol. 2, p. 320
[2] The translation above is based on the version by Mr. Behrad Jafari, with some modifications.