Without a doubt, marriage and choosing a spouse is one of the most important stages in human life, and naturally, it has a significant impact on people’s lives. Each person enters this field based on their own criteria and standards, and in one way or another, begins their married life.
However, what plays a crucial role in the quality of the beginning and, especially, the continuation of this bond is certainly not its external aspects or superficial elements; rather, it is the couple’s perspective on their shared life and the standards they have for establishing a family. It is these standards that, if correct and authentic, turn this bond into an effective step in human growth. If they lack a solid foundation, they can bring so much bitterness and worry that sometimes a person regrets the path they have taken. But what is the solution?
Often, if we can align the criteria of our lives with an ideal example, we will act more successfully.
The life of Fatimah al-Zahra (peace be upon her) serves as a perfect example in this regard; because her entire life is exemplary; because she herself is a role model; because her husband, her father, and her children are all role models for Muslims—individuals adorned with human virtues. These people rise from among the people, live with the people, walk, eat, and dress like ordinary people; but on the other hand, they have a nature superior to that of angels, a nature always connected to God.
They have shown in practice that true superiority lies in the greatness of the soul, not in physical accomplishments. If they live, it is so they can teach others how to live rightly. Fatimah (peace be upon her) was raised in such a school. A newlywed woman, whose dowry was the price of a coat of armor worth four hundred dirhams and whose household items consisted of a few clay bowls and pitchers, shows clearly how she viewed her shared life.
Now, Fatimah (peace be upon her) is ready to go to her husband’s house. Before she starts her new life, her father comes to visit her and talks with her, asking her opinion about her husband. Fatimah (peace be upon her) considers Ali (peace be upon him) to be the best husband, but she tells her father that the women of Quraysh have criticized her for her husband’s poverty.[1]
Although these words do not in any way affect the resolve and determination of the exemplary woman of Islam, Fatimah (peace be upon her), the Prophet (peace be upon him) as a loving father and a compassionate teacher to all daughters and women of the nation gives her the final lessons of life:
“My dear daughter, do not listen to the words of the people! Do not worry that your husband is poor.
My daughter, the treasures of gold and silver of the earth were offered to your father. If he had wanted, he could have owned all of them. But your father chose the pleasure of God!
My daughter, if you knew what your father knows, the world would appear ugly in your eyes.
I have not been negligent in your matter! I married you to the best person of my family, someone who is the most experienced in Islam, and the most knowledgeable and patient among all.
My daughter, your husband is the best husband. Never disobey him…”[2]
In such an environment, Fatimah (peace be upon her) began her married life with Ali ibn Abi Talib (peace be upon him), a life that, throughout, remained simple and content.
Although we cannot review everything that transpired in the shared life of these two spouses, we do know that this exemplary woman of Islam accepted her father’s words with such sincerity and adhered to them in practice, that after her death, her husband, Ali (peace be upon him), praised her virtuous character and high moral standards as follows:
“I swear by God, throughout her life, I never angered her, nor did I force her into anything, and she never angered me nor disobeyed me in anything!”[3]
Today, much is discussed about the factors that contribute to a successful marriage. Yet, it is rare to find a couple that can claim to have shared the same relationship as Fatimah and Ali (peace be upon them), and to have proven it in practice. If a shared life is truly sweet, Fatimah and Ali (peace be upon them) are the two who tasted its sweetness.
Their conduct in their life together not only invalidated some views about success in married life (such as the view held by the women of Quraysh), but it also revealed the value of this noble verse from the Qur’an:
“Take on the color of God, and who is better than God in coloring?”[4]
(Excerpt from the book “The Life of Fatimah Zahra (peace be upon her)”, written by the late Dr. Sayyid Ja’far Shahidi, with additions)
Footnotes:
[1] Ali (peace be upon him) at that time was a 22-year-old young man. In his environment, wealth accumulation was not considered a virtue, nor did he inherit anything from his father. He had spent his life in jihad and defending Islam, and his few possessions were spent on this cause. Even now, as he was about to begin married life, his daily sustenance was earned through working in date palm orchards and drawing water from wells.
[2] Kashf al-Ghammā fi Maʿrifat al-Aʾimma, Volume 1, Page 363
[3] Same source.
[4] (Surah Al-Baqarah, verse 138)