Perhaps we have experienced a situation where we criticized an individual for their wrong actions. However, instead of confronting the person, we can point out their misdeed and disassociate ourselves from it. In this way, we will not harbor hatred towards the individual, and they will not perceive the matter as a personal conflict. The culture derived from the teachings of the Quran and the Ahl al-Bayt (peace be upon them) emphasizes that we should confront the sin of a believer, not the person themselves.[1]
For example, in the Holy Quran, we read that Prophet Lot (peace be upon him) said to his people: “I am a sworn enemy to your actions, [not to you personally].” [2]
Similarly, in another verse, when faced with the disobedience of people, God commands the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) to distance himself from their actions, not from the individuals themselves. [3]
It is also narrated from the Prophet (peace be upon him) that: “Perhaps God loves certain people, but He is displeased with their actions.” [4]
If a wrongdoer feels that their personality is respected and that their wrong action is what is being criticized, they will be more inclined to abandon the sin and refrain from slipping further. However, if they feel despised as a person, they will have less hope of returning to the right path and may likely continue down a path of corruption.
This principle is also significant in family matters and child-rearing. Good parents are not those their children fear, but those who preserve their children’s dignity. When children are rebuked, they do not lose hope in their parents’ love, knowing that it is their bad actions, not their persons, that cause the reprimand.
For example, when criticizing a child’s behavior, instead of comparing them to others or humiliating them, a parent might say: “My child, you were better last year than you are now,” or “A person should be better each day than the day before, and the better you become, the more beloved you will be to God, people, and your parents.” In other words, if the child is compared to themselves and not to others, it will have a positive effect on their correction.
Therefore, when faced with wrongful actions, we should not create a rival out of the wrongdoer, breeding feelings of envy and revenge in them. Instead, we should remind them of their good qualities, recall their past achievements, highlight their noble family lineage, and speak of their strengths and talents. This way, they will not lose hope and will realize that they are still capable and loved.
As a final example of this noble culture, let us look at an instance from the life of Imam Musa al-Kadhim (peace be upon him):
A man came to Imam Musa al-Kadhim (peace be upon him) and said: “A man, who is a follower of yours, drinks alcohol and commits sins. Should we distance ourselves from him?”
Imam (peace be upon him) replied: “[No; not from the person, but] distance yourself from his bad deeds and do not avoid his good actions. Consider his sinful acts as bad.”
The man asked again: “Should we call him a sinner or a wicked person?”
The Imam (peace be upon him) calmly explained the meaning of sin and wickedness and said: “… You should say his actions are bad and that he commits sinful acts. He is a believer, but his actions are wrong.” [5]
Indeed, this is the approach of the Ahl al-Bayt (peace be upon them), who differentiate between the person and their actions when dealing with mistakes. How closely do we follow their ethical example?
Excerpted from the book “Commanding Good and Forbidding Evil,” by Hujjat al-Islam Mohsen Qara’ati (with some abbreviations and additions)
Footnotes:
[1] This culture applies to believers. If someone abandons their faith and joins the ranks of the disbelievers or polytheists, then God will disassociate from both the person and their evil deeds. Numerous references in the Quran show this.
[2] (Quran, Surah Ash-Shu’ara, verse 168)
[3] (Quran, Surah Ash-Shu’ara, verse 216)
[4] (Nahj al-Balagha, p. 216)
[5] (Al-Kanz al-Jami’ al-Fawa’id, p. 304; Bihar al-Anwar, vol. 27, p. 137)